How can I be so calm, loving and collected by now about my family? I have had a great life , looking back. I have found perfection of feminine energy in my old mother and all the men in my life have played a great role in helping me, financially or mentally except my dad. Do I hold a grudge at all against the old fine gentleman? No, because I have perfection of masculine love and energy as much as is humanely possible for a woman: Brian and I for almost 30 years.