I wore tshirt and jeans today, something I rarely do because my pants dont quite fit  without a proper belt (plumber ass when I bent). Anyway, I went out only 3 or 4 times, and all went well. Classical music is playing right now on Ici Musique. Everyone is asleep except for the cat and me. I feel alone tonight. I dont know why especially tonight. I am worried about hubby going back to work in a week or two. He has picked up niet healthier habits about anything. He did not even sleep a ton. But he had zero stress. He is finally sleeping tonight, after a month at 5 hours a night of sleep. He seems to truly hate sleeping. Me, on the contrary, I love it. 

The roaring of the fan

and the scent of a smoke

 a choking atmosphere yet cozy to the brim

a wool blanket on my lap and legs

the feeling so unattainable

of crying

lurking behind my heart

yet I cannot reach it

I lost a good friend 

because I went nuts in 2020

and believed all sorts of false things

about everyone in the past

which made me insult

the nicest and most innocent of to be friends

until they found out

sigh

forever alone

with extraordinary people met

everywhere I go

i take consolation

and solace

in this