I am so very addicted. I think i have smoke 4 packs since yesterday morning at 7:30am. Almost 24 hours. It will probably be a stroke. And we all know how debilitating this can be, so wish me selfless bravery and courage my dear friend.My GrandMa Noella, after she raised 6 children (7 , one died at 9 years old and she had many still births on top of that) , had a stroke in her 80s. She was paralyzed and could not talk for a whole year. Considering how much depth of wisdom fun I had recently, in the last little while, I should not complain if I am paralyzed or cannot walk nor talk for a few months. This time on the blog has been the best years of my creative and spiritual life. It will be hard not to be sad, very sad, but hopefully I wont panic for too long. And I will have all my head to follow God's plan and lesson plan for me while post stroke. I so wish I died within a month but it is greedy and short sighted to say that: much will happen despite my severe end of life handicaps. 

(35 minutes until fresh smokes....)