So yes, can you imagine Sharho a life where you yell to the world EVERYTHING you ever wanted to say?  Of course, that comes at a price: police brutality. But yes, I guarantee you the feeling is COMPLETE FREEDOM. You become totally neutral about other people's reaction to you. It is God's Love for sentient beings and humanity. I warn you my childhood was atrocious. It is required for autism to suffer so much that it breaks up into crazy wisdom. Looking back, I was super functional after my first couple of crisis in young adulthood. So I also lived a normal middle class life for a while with brian where we both worked. But I was always super unhappy in a 9-5 pm job. That is your sacrficie in this responsible life of yours indian man: be straight.