I have not had breakfast yet. I am smoking smokes and drinking coffee instead! It is 9:30am. I dislike my brain today after looking back on the last year. I should truly have a good therapist to teach me stress coping strategies: impossible to find here. So we are , again, on our own. How I miss my great social worker from Toronto. Meeting with him weekly kept me so sane for 7 years. He retired by now. 

The chimes on the deck are singing. It is breezy. Billy is sleeping in his bed, by my side. I wish I was more open to ,life instead of tense. Everything should be met with openness not tight tension! Life is still super interesting. Maybe read a self help CBT book? WE have a book here I bought for hubby many many years ago...I should read it. It came recommended by my sister who is a shrink.