Like every night after an injection, I feel up.  Almost a bit agitated. One has to remember that although I smoked 2 packs just now, in about 16 hours, that is still 10-20 cigarettes less than last year when I was not in hospital. two packs in a 16 hours day is too much I know. I am aiming for maintaining a pack and a half, by destroying my associations between behavioral hobbies and cigarettes smoking, for a while before I quit, simply quit. I am out of smokes tonight and dont know when I will go to bed. It is almost 11pm. It is 10:30pm. I count my cigarettes meticulously throughout the day to keep an eye on my hourly average. I can do a pack and a half but the day has to be 13 hours max so far. I am developing healthier habits though in this minimal reduction of cigarettes in the last month. 

Tonight I wish I had a close friend who would email me. No one does in my regulars. I am way too stone tonight. This may be , with the meds, what is keeping me up. I will take a melatonine tonight to speed up my falling asleep. I had one small brown cow. Chillii chocolate kahlua flavour. 

Universes ago, when I was very young (22-23 years old), I was on another medication at a very low dose but i never liked that med. Anyway, I was working extra hours on top of a full time boss job I had in research in a hospital of Toronto. Every night, no fault, I would drink a 6 pack of beer to calm down from the social day. I lasted 2 years. One evening, a friend of mine came over and we had a beer. After 2-3 beers, I heard in horror my laugh. It was completely manic, like an aunt on my fathers side (today passed away) who was always very ill and very fat.I have not had any of these symptoms since I am on my current med. But I also dont work full time  anymore since i started taking them.